The theme of light is so important in the Gospel of John that narrative asserts that the Word is the Light as soon as verse four of chapter one. “In him was life, and that life was the light of men.” Then in chapter eight, Jesus echoes this idea by declaring in his own words, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness.”

We are called to follow Jesus and walk in the light, but the problem is that owing to the original sin that we inherited from our first parents Adam and Eve, there are times we prepare to hide in the darkness, as did Adam and Eve themselves. Their first action after eating the forbidden fruit is to hide. “[they] hid themselves from the LORD God among the trees of the garden.” In response to God’s asking them “Where are you,” Adam explained to God, “I heard you in the garden; but I was afraid… so I hid myself.” Genesis, Chapter 3.

Part of our spiritual growth will be to make a conscious effort to give up those times when we retreat into darkness. And what are some of the reasons why we retreat into darkness? So that we can sin under the cover of darkness. So that we can hide in shame after we have sinned (as did Adam and Eve, as mentioned immediately above). So that we can secretly have a prayer relationship with Jesus, without risking losing anything that we might lose if it were known publicly that we are serious believers in Jesus.

As we grow and mature, most of us wish to be seen as “good” by others, and therefore we strive to project an image of being “good.” We seek the secrecy of darkness, either literal darkness under the cover of night or symbolic darkness where we can sin in private and not have it known by others. Even though we may do this as adults, this in reality is childish foolishness, for God sees and knows all. Although we may pay lip service to the fact that God knows and sees all, a major turning point in our life of faith is when we open up and acknowledge that God indeed does see and know all of the secret areas of our lives. It is at this point that we can acknowledge our guilt and pray that God heal us in those areas of our lives that we held secret.

As mentioned above, Adam and Eve sought darkness after their sin, and so can humankind in general from time to time — an inherited tendency to hide ourselves. As the Gospel of John (chapter 3) points out: “Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light.”

With respect to seeking darkness either when we sin or after we sin, let us look to Jesus’ offer of forgiveness. Let us stay in the light and allow him to heal us.

But how about the times that we seek the darkness, not because of sin, but rather because we do not want to risk losing something.

Let us consider Nicodemus, who is a character in today’s Gospel reading (John, chapter 3). “Now there was a Pharisee named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews. He came to Jesus at night…”

Being a prominent and respected leader of the people, if he were to openly come to Jesus, he would risk his status. So he comes secretly by night. He is rewarded with the opportunity to converse with Jesus, in which Jesus teaches him about the importance of being born again, alluding to the Sacrament of Baptism. But we do not see Nicodemus later take this message and go public with it. We do not see him sharing with others what Jesus had shared with him.

Do we have some of Nicodemus in us? Do we keep our faith life with Jesus secret out of fear that we might lose some of our public standing and respect whether within a group of friends or whether in a more institutional setting? Are we afraid that people might think less of us, or might think that we are a religious fanatic if they come to know that we have a deep love for Jesus and pray on a regular basis?

A week ago we celebrated the greatest event in human history: Jesus conquered death. We are an Easter people. We have the answer to the greatest fear that humankind experiences: that of death. Let us tell the whole world. Let us show the whole world of our love for and gratitude to Jesus for what he did for us.

Yes, we are to spend time in private. But it is to be private time for prayer with Jesus (as Jesus did at night with his Father). We are not to seek privacy (or darkness) as a cover for sin, or as protection so that we do not risk our social standing by becoming known followers of Jesus.

Let us pray to Jesus in private, to strengthen ourselves for going forward and being witnesses to our faith.